"To our readers, The editors of Maxim would like to apologize for some recent gaffes that have been brought to our attention. We also would like to take this opportunity to assure our readers that we adhere to the highest editorial standards and that from now on, we'll try to make pretty sure that our reviewers actually review the material they are supposed to be reviewing.
It was an oversight, a lapse of judgment, stupidity, laziness -- or some combination thereof -- that led to the mistakes made in the past, mistakes that we pledge to do everything we can to avoid. It's embarrassing, for us, to learn that some of our readers will forever believe that Miles Davis' "Kind of Blue" is "a kind of fish" because of our review of the record.
We'd like to apologize.
We'd also like to apologize for our review of "David Copperfield" that appears in our January edition. It appears that our reviewer neglected to read "David Copperfield" before reviewing it. It has been brought to our attention that some facts appear to be inaccurate and those inaccuracies may have contributed to the reviewer's 2 1/2-star rating of the book.
For instance, our reviewer described a pivotal car chase in which David Copperfield flees a rival gang of street racers that apparently does not occur in the book since it is set in the early 19th century, before the phenomenon of street racing began.
Neither does the ritualistic satanic slaying of Micawber by a rogue gang of midget lesbians who steal his kidneys to sell on the black market in Indonesia ever occur in the pages of the novel.
Also, it turns out that Uriah Heep was actually a character in the book and not a '70s rock band known as "the Beach Boys of heavy metal." Uriah Heep does not perform a benefit concert for anorexic supermodels and party with bodacious groupies in the book, as far as we know.
To be fair, though, our reviewer's observation that the book's title character does not make an elephant disappear turns out to be fairly accurate.
Also in the January issue, our review of "Casablanca" mistakenly confused the classic film with a Mexican restaurant in east Los Angeles. Therefore, it appears to be untrue that "Casablanca" serves margaritas in "glasses bigger than your head" and that if you order the enchilada verdes, you will regret it -- "maybe not today, but soon and for the rest of your life."
In our February edition, it has been brought to our attention that had our reviewer actually listened to it, he wouldn't have described the Philadelphia Symphony Orchestra's recording of Aaron Copland's "Fanfare for the Common Man" as "a booty-shaking tribute to East Coast stylings of Tupac." Also, as far as we know, the composition has never been used as a soundtrack for gonzo porn.
Speaking of Tupac, the editors would also like to apologize, once again, for confusing Tupac Shakur with Deepak Chopra in a review of Chopra's new book, "Buddha: The Story of Enlightenment." One of them is a dead rapper; the other is not. The review also mistakenly referred to Buddha as a bar in the Meat Packing District of New York. And the editors regret the reviewer's reference to Chopra "popping a cap" in Matt Damon's butt at the Buddha Bar in a dispute involving comedian Sarah Silverman and her boyfriend, Jimmy Kimmel.
And, had the reviewer actually watched it, he wouldn't have described "American Idol" as "a riveting documentary about the dangers posed by global warming to the eco-system of the Arctic polar bear." "American Idol," as far as the editors know, never included a scene in which judge Paula Abdul catches a baby seal on a glacier and eats it alive.
Finally, the editors would like to apologize for the review of "Girls Gone Wild: Cancun Spring Break." Had the reviewer watched the entire video, he would have noted that the girls only went a little bonkers and not totally wild.
We're sorry.
Mike Argento's column appears Mondays and Fridays in Living and Sundays in Viewpoints. Reach him at mike@ydr.com or 771-2046. Read more Argento columns at ydr.com/mike or at his blog, Argento's Front Stoop, at www.mikeargento.com.
To see more of the York Daily Record, or to subscribe to the newspaper, go to http://www.ydr.com. Copyright (c) 2008, York Daily Record, Pa. Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services. For reprints, email tmsreprints@permissionsgroup.com, call 800-374-7985 or 847-635-6550, send a fax to 847-635-6968, or write to The Permissions Group Inc., 1247 Milwaukee Ave., Suite 303, Glenview, IL 60025, USA.
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