Grand Forks Herald, N.D., Ryan Bakken column: Computer chip possibilities may soon be endless for teen surveillance

Oct 07, 2008 (Grand Forks Herald - McClatchy-Tribune Information Services via COMTEX) -- F | Quote | Chart | News | PowerRating -- In another year, you will have the technology to limit your teen driver's speed while you're sitting at home on the couch.

On many of its 2010 models, Ford Motor Co. will have a feature that can limit teen drivers to driving 80 miles per hour. A computer chip in the key won't allow the vehicle to drive faster.

That technology sounds like a bargain at any price.

In our household, we have had two other ways for controlling our teens' speed. One method was having them drive a 1997 Mercury Mystique, which was incapable of attaining high speeds without turning into dust.

The other strategy was in language that teens can understand -- money. Keep your driving record clean, and your wonderful parents will pay the insurance bill. Get a ticket that increases the cost of insurance, and the insurance statement is all yours. At the cost of teenager insurance, a speeding ticket would mean one of two things: 1) walking; or 2) working so many hours to pay the premium that you wouldn't have time to drive except to work and back.

So far, the Mystique/Premium Hammer approach has worked.

Ford also will have the option of programming the teen's key to limit the audio system's volume. Preventing a blaring radio will not only help them stay focused on the road, but also preserve your eardrums when you start the vehicle the next morning.

A third Ford option will be to sound continuous alerts if the driver isn't wearing a seat belt. It will chime for six seconds every minute if the belts aren't fastened. May I suggest that, instead of a chime, Ford Motor Co. instead install the parents' favorite music to play if the driver isn't belted. That music would be much more effective than a chime in forcing them to buckle.

The computer chip possibilities are endless. Another useful option would be that the vehicle's backseat instantly would be converted into bucket seats. If the scent of alcohol was detected by the computer chip, the vehicle would go on autopilot and head directly to the police station.

But we shouldn't limit technology to motorized vehicles. All teens should have a GPS unit imbedded under their skin. For instance, the GPS could tell you if your teen was dancing too closely during a slow dance at the homecoming dance. It could tell you if your teen was indeed at Perkins for late-night breakfast or instead three miles south and two miles north, gazing at the stars.

Some parents may find this level of surveillance to be excessive. Some may say that teens need to be trusted. Others may say they need their privacy -- and even their secrets -- to mature.

This may be true. But ever since my miner's helmet and night-vision binoculars mysteriously disappeared, I've been suspicious.

Ford used to have the slogan "Quality is Job One." I think their sales would skyrocket if they switched it slightly to "Teen Surveillance is Job One."

Reach Bakken at (701) 780-1125; (800) 477-6572, ext. 125; or send e-mail to rbakken@gfherald.com.

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