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Winners in the James Bond haiku contest

Mon. November 10, 2008; Posted: 04:07 PM
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Nov 10, 2008 (Contra Costa Times - McClatchy-Tribune Information Services via COMTEX) -- GOOG | Quote | Chart | News | PowerRating -- We must have the cleverest readers on the planet. From Moneypenny to M, Q's gadgets and those amorously named Bond girls, your James Bond haiku tweaked every aspect of Ian Fleming's oeuvre. Compared to these, the newest Bond flick, "Quantum of Solace," is bound to disappoint!

James, you're my Double-O,

I am your Moneypenny.

Please choose ME this time.

-- Kat Mulkey, Lafayette

I purr, "Bond, James Bond,"

as she warmly asks my name,

and my wife kicks me.

-- Bruce Roberts, Hayward

Bond's sexy symbols

A tux, a cocktail, a gun

Leave me shakn' AND stirred

-- Debbie Sager, Pleasanton

Double 0 seven.

Bond, gets all the attention.

Neglected. 0 six.

-- Pete Cuddyre, Oakland

Our man, Bond, James Bond

bests SPECTRE's latest effort, then follows his heart.

-- Matt Cummings, Oakland

Sean had such elan

Pierce was suave in stylish duds

"I'm Bond "... James," they purred.

-- Norma J. Shattuck, Oakland

Venti mocha, please,

Shaken, not stirred. Yes, I'll wait

while you ponder that.

--

Bruce Roberts, Hayward

Oh, to be a Bond

girl. But even young, I was

no Halle Berry.

-- Sherry Sheehan, Crockett

Sean, Roger, Pierce, Tim

Hang up the black tuxedo

Blond Bond, oh those eyes.

-- Stacey Gustafson, Pleasanton

On missions for M

Gorgeous girls all around him

His choices conflict.

-- Helen R. Oliver, Brentwood

Super Brit is back!

Sleek, sexy, facing vile foes;

Fans groove on escape.

-- Norma J. Shattuck, Oakland

Obtain decoder,

Kill SPECTRE agent on train

From Russia With Love

-- Tim Hurson, Livermore

Bond, James Bond's beauty.

Sleek, gimmicked, chasing evil.

Aston Martin wheels.

-- Rodney Bittencurt, Livermore

All those Bond ladies

With curious names 'Galore'

Which do you recall?

-- Mike Takayanagi, Fremont

"Bond, James Bond," he says.

Then, "Shaken, not stirred," while I,

eyes on screen, am both.

-- Sherry Sheehan, Crockett

In Aston Martin

Bond presses button, launching

multiple missiles.

-- Vernon Parsley, Walnut Creek

"Sorry I blew up

your car, Officer. Q said

it couldn't be done."

-- Bruce Roberts, Hayward

That most famous drink,

"Shaken not stirred," certainly

No appletini!

-- Belinda M. Danielson, Pleasant Hill

Bond does not stir me.

He's a man's fantasy spy.

Give me Jason Bourne.

-- Judy Pietrzak, Oakland

null

Pining to poeticize?

Runners-up in the James Bond Haiku Contest

Double Agent Man

Working for the enemy

Short is your life span

- Bethanne Keirnan, Pleasanton

Casino Royale

Win at Baccarat, hit eight

The first was the best

- Vernon Parsley, Walnut Creek

Her lips brush his neck.

James is shaken, but not stirred.

She is M's suspect.

- Rodney Bittencurt, Livermore

Craig, Connery, one

Moore. Blond? Scottish? Londoner?

Which suit is dealt now?

- Sherry Weaver Smith, San Ramon

Oh, James! Twenty one

Beautiful Bond girls there've been.

Skimpy wardrobes all!

- Belinda M. Danielson, Pleasant Hill

Double o seven

handsome man on a mission

action, guns, and girls

- Donna Merry, Knightsen

Sophisticated

gadget carrying icon

James Bond -- film legend

- Donna Merry, Knightsen

Fair haired Daniel Craig,

Latest Double Oh Seven.

Blond? James Blond? Oh no!

- Yvette Ratliff, Dublin

Debonair James Bond

Orders a dry Martini

Shake, but never stir.

- Vernon Parsley, Walnut Creek

Martini in hand

kills without batting an eye

man of action Bond

- Donna Merry, Knightsen

Brave One Needling Death.

Juggling Amorous Moves, Else Stealth.

Babes Or Nasty Dudes.

- Rodney Bittencurt, Livermore

Down the bar I heard

"Martini, shaken not stirred"

Was it James -- James Bond?

- Mike Takayanagi, Fremont

Created by I.

Fleming in the fifties, Bond

still energizes.

- Sherry Sheehan, Crockett

The Bond formula

Mingles danger and desire

With sly humor too.

- Norma J. Shattuck, Oakland

Shaken but not stirred,

Evades grip of Dr. No,

The name's Bond, James Bond

- Tim Hurson, Livermore

James Bond in peril

Evil and traps surround him

Saved by Q's magic.

- Helen R. Oliver, Brentwood

Trained to save England

No matter what it costs him

The price is too high.

- Helen R. Oliver, Brentwood

With girls and gadgets

Bond travels the world over,

One last adventure.

- Helen R. Oliver, Brentwood

Sharp and debonair,

dubious fiends beware, the

secret agent man!

- Matt Cummings, Oakland

Urbane to the max

Bond is a man of culture

Manners are his thing

- Pat Hobbs, Dublin

A rugged man's man,

A hot lover of women,

Double "O" Seven.

- Jo Ann Lew, Union City

In movies and books

Double O Seven a spy

Lived dangerously.

- Charles Minshall

The Spy Who Loved Me,

Never Say Never Again,

From Russia With Love

- Shirley Sprague, Concord

Bond's star is rising

Box-office bucks burgeon

His namesake's falling

- John Barry, Danville

Early Bonds are best

Those flicks' soundtracks' composer

The great John Barry

- John Barry, Danville

Hollywood action

3 lines of 5-7-5

can't describe James Bond!

- Nona Mock Wyman, Walnut Creek

James, I drive a Ford,

You drive an Aston-Martin -

It's as if we're twins!

- Bruce Roberts, Hayward

As my new helper,

May I call you Pussy Galore?

Harassment? No, why?

- Bruce Roberts, Hayward

Seductive women,

Dangerous gadgets, fast cars -

007!

- Bruce Roberts, Hayward

After nine consecutive weeks of haiku, we're going to try something new. This time around, we're seeking limericks inspired by Thanksgiving -- pilgrims, pumpkin pie, Aunt Mildred, or whatever evokes the holiday for you and does not involve the word "Nantucket" or anything, er, similar. Send your non-naughty limerick(s) -- Google "how to write a limerick" if you need a primer on rhyme schemes -- to jburrell@bayareanewsgroup.com by noon Thursday, Nov. 20. The winner reaps the usual immortal glory and his or her choice from our selection of just-published hardcover books.

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To see more of the Contra Costa Times, or to subscribe to the newspaper, go to http://www.contracostatimes.com/. Copyright (c) 2008, Contra Costa Times, Walnut Creek, Calif. Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services. For reprints, email tmsreprints@permissionsgroup.com, call 800-374-7985 or 847-635-6550, send a fax to 847-635-6968, or write to The Permissions Group Inc., 1247 Milwaukee Ave., Suite 303, Glenview, IL 60025, USA.

For full details on Google (GOOG) click here. Google (GOOG) has Short Term PowerRatings of 5. Details on Google (GOOG) Short Term PowerRatings is available at This Link.

    


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