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The Record, Stockton, Calif., Michael Fitzgerald column: Wacky Christmas gift ideas

Fri. December 12, 2008; Posted: 12:54 PM
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Look up the PowerRating of SHRPQ and see how it has performed over the past week as well as the current proprietary PowerRating.

Dec 12, 2008 (The Record - McClatchy-Tribune Information Services via COMTEX) -- SHRPQ | Quote | Chart | News | PowerRating -- So, those Sharper Image gift cards you bought became the Confederate money of our time? Don't sweat it. Enjoy our annual list of Alternative Christmas Gifts.

Bankruptcy is not an issue with these items. Nobody in their right mind would buy them.

Secret rooms: Phoenix-based Creative Home Engineering makes hidden doors to conceal secret rooms. Hinged bookshelves, revolving fireplaces, door-opening mechanisms hidden in that flip-up Shakespeare bust. $10,000 and up at hiddenpassageway.com.

Acid reflux bed: Fiery bile unexpectedly galloping up your esophagus at night can ruin peaceful REM. The Avana Slant Bed tilts your torso upward. Gravity does the rest. Plus polyester cover slips off for easy washing. $135 at theooh.com.

Chanel Rehab Bag: Inspired by court-ordered anklet alcohol monitors worn by celebrity debauchee Lindsay Lohan, Karl Lagerfeld designed this small anklet purse. In lambskin, calfskin, tweed. $1,385.

"Beautiful Sheep: Portraits of Champion Breeds": coffee table book. $13.57 at amazon.com.

Party with a prince: Crown Prince Manvendra Singh Gohil, India's first openly gay aristocrat, throws a two-day birthday bash at his palace outside Mumbai. Celebrate Indian art, music, food. Party with Bollywood celebs. Cost includes visit with prince. $1,800 plus a $500 donation to Prince Gohil's HIV/AIDS charity. Davidtravel.com.

Cartilage headphones: Hang Zelco's Outi headphones hang from your ears like clip-on earrings, and music pumps through your cartilage. "Bass lines are translated into body-shaking thumps," says Popular Mechanics. $110 at zelco.com.

Wii body-blow vest: When you kung-fu fight on Wii, TN Games' 3rdSpace Vest offers eight pneumatic cells that pressure you where your avatar gets hit. Oof! $189 at tngames.com.

Bugatti Veyron 16.4: This supercharged ultraluxe car bristles with 16 cylinders, 1,001 horsepower and seven forward gears. Zero to 60 in -- get this -- 2.46 seconds. Top speed is 253 mph, or a third the speed of sound. $1.6 million from Bugatti.

Fetus cookie cutter: $9.99 at stupid.com.

Your own reality show: Beverly Hills' Peninsula Hotel offers a "Peninsula Academy" package. An Emmy-nominated director and a film crew follow you around. Then they edit your life into a "professional quality movie." $2,500 per day.

Mongolian eagle training: Help a Kazakh trainer drill an eagle for the annual Golden Eagle Festival. You'll help his family tend livestock (yaks?) and erect a ger, or yurt. $4,500 from Nomadic Expeditions.

Manga lessons: Manga is Japanese comic book artistry. You get a two-hour private session with a Manga master in Japan's Kyoto Seika University. Draw those big eyes, etc. $1,200 from Artisans of Leisure.

Squirrel underpants: "Protect the world from squirrel nudity" with these tiny cotton briefs. $9.50 apiece at squirrelunderpants.com. OK, that one was a gag gift.

Contact columnist Michael Fitzgerald at (209) 546-8270 or michaelf@recordnet.com.

To see more of The Record, or to subscribe to the newspaper, go to http://www.recordnet.com. Copyright (c) 2008, The Record, Stockton, Calif. Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services. For reprints, email tmsreprints@permissionsgroup.com, call 800-374-7985 or 847-635-6550, send a fax to 847-635-6968, or write to The Permissions Group Inc., 1247 Milwaukee Ave., Suite 303, Glenview, IL 60025, USA.

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