The Philadelphia Inquirer John Gonzalez column: Gonzo: Eskin stars in latest Eagles drama

Sep 27, 2009 (The Philadelphia Inquirer - McClatchy-Tribune Information Services via COMTEX) -- NAHC | Quote | Chart | News | PowerRating -- The drama never stops at the NovaCare Complex. It's one weird scene after another over there.

The other day, a group of reporters were packed in tight around Michael Vick's locker. One TV camera guy got up on a chair to get a better shot of Vick, then lost his balance and fell, prompting more than a few snickers from the gallery.

That was the headliner at the Eagles Improv this week, but it wasn't nearly as ridiculous and cringe-worthy as the warm-up act. Earlier, WIP's Howard Eskin started screaming at me. The hollering started outside the locker room, then continued inside. The players and media were treated to quite a performance.

It wasn't the first time Eskin had blown up at me, though it was the first time he'd called my boss to complain. We've had at least three phone conversations since I've known Eskin, two of which have ended with his hanging up in mid-sentence. (I tried to reach him for this column, but he never got back to me.)

Maybe he's frustrated. It's been tough for Howard lately. His ratings dipped, forcing him to look up at ESPN's Mike Missanelli (Eskin's longtime antagonist and former radio partner.) Then his ego took another blow when he was saddled with a cohost. The last part is sort of amusing. For months, Howard denied he was getting a partner, even though people at the station kept telling me it was inevitable because of his declining ratings.

According to station sources, Hugh Douglas and Brian Mitchell were approached about joining Eskin. From what I was told, both turned down the offer because they weren't sure they'd be able to tolerate Eskin's sometimes-abrasive personality. I wonder how long Ike Reese will put up with it.

Anyway, Eskin popped off in front of a lot of people the other day. He was ranting about how I work for "a bankrupt newspaper" and how I'm a jerk (he used a more graphic term). Hey, when he's right, he's right. He nailed me on the newspaper thing, and my friends would totally agree with the jerk assessment (though talk about an ironic, pot/kettle moment).

Eskin was apparently upset that I called him a "hirsute curmudgeon" in a recent column, which still seems factually correct. He even criticized the language I employed, saying that 90 percent of the population wouldn't know what that means. Don't take it personally, dear reader. I have a much higher opinion of your vocabulary.

Next time I tease him, I'll be sure to use smaller words -- like mouthwash and mint. His latest tantrum would have been funny, except he was standing too close, and little bits of spit kept flying out of his mouth and landing on me.

But, like I said, Eskin is under a lot of pressure, so I won't hold his tirade against him. Even though he won't admit it, I think he's sweating things right now. After the station paired him with Reese, I ran into Eskin at a Phillies game and asked what it was like to have a cohost again. I wasn't trying to needle him (for once); I was honestly curious.

Clutching his delusions like a ratty security blanket, Howard told me he doesn't think of it that way. He swore it's still his show, and added that's why he always says "I'm Howard Eskin, with Ike Reese."

Good luck with that, Ike. And remember: Don't stand too close.

The fantasy gods mock me. When I start Matt Schaub, Tony Romo is better. When I start Tony Romo, Matt Schaub is better. You know that scene in Major League where Pedro Cerrano tells Jobu he'd better help him hit the curve, otherwise Cerrano will kick Jobu's sorry backside to the curb? Yeah, well, Fantasy Jobu is on notice.

Start

QB: Matt Schaub, Mark Sanchez, Joe Flacco.

RB: Fred Jackson, Willis McGahee, Darren Sproles.

WR: DeSean Jackson, Marques Colston, Terrell Owens.

TE: Brent Celek, Kevin Boss, Jermichael Finley.

Bench

QB: Brett Favre, Matt Hasselbeck, Carson Palmer.

RB: Mike Bell, Darren McFadden, Cadillac Williams.

WR: Laveranues Coles, Ted Ginn Jr., Chris Chambers.

TE: John Carlson, Ben Watson, Kellen Winslow.

Sunday Sixer

(Home team in caps)

Last week: 4-2.

Season: 7-5.

Can't believe they sent Plaxico Burress to Rikers. I've watched enough Law & Order to know that's not a good thing. According to ESPN's legal experts, he'll serve about 20 months there. He better hope he hits the "under" on that number.

JETS -21/2 over Titans: Buddy's boy has made me a believer. Can't wait until Rex Ryan puts a bounty on the Pats.

Packers -61/2 over RAMS: Remember when the Rams were good? Anyone? Hello?

Saints -6 over BILLS: If DeSean Jackson was frustrated with the Birds' inability to keep up with the Saints, imagine what T.O.'s reaction will be. Poor Trent Edwards.

Broncos -2 over RAIDERS:

Better neck beard: Kyle Orton or Koy Detmer? Discuss.

TEXANS -4 over Jaguars:

Houston smacked the Titans' defense around last week. Jacksonville holds its opponents to just 14 fewer yards per game than Tennessee. Works for me.

EAGLES -8 over Chiefs: Gotta love when the Chiefs come to town. They're the NFL equivalent of a powerful prescription drug -- sure to cure what ails you.

Contact columnist John Gonzalez at 215-854-2813 or gonzalez@phillynews.com

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