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Game 1 between the Cubs and the Tampa Bay Rays was played Wednesday night.
Yes, that heavenly World Series so many of you out there were waiting for! OK, so it wasn't at Wrigley Field--but isn't Florida, a.k.a. God's Waiting Room, the next-best thing?
Price per ticket: $250. Scalper's price: $2,500. Chance to see Cubs in one of these things before you take a permanent dirt nap: Priceless.
Rays souvenir cowbells: $20. "Holy Cow" shirts and huge Harry Caray eyeglasses: $40. ( Kosuke Fukudome headbands: 99 cents.)
Tropicana Field crowd: 40,000. (Approximately 21,000 in "C" caps and holding up "W" signs.)
Anthem: Backstreet Boys. (Cubs fans boo.)
Parachuting in: Bill Murray.
First pitch: Lou Piniella. (Rays unable to come up with anybody else.)
Rays' starting lineup: Iwamura, 2B; Upton, CF; Pena, 1B; Longoria, 3B; Crawford, LF; Floyd, DH; Navarro, C; Gross, RF; Bartlett, SS.
On mound for Rays: left-hander Scott Kazmir.
Cubs' starting lineup: Soriano, LF; Theriot, SS; Lee, 1B; Ramirez, 3B; Soto, C; DeRosa, RF; Edmonds, DH; Johnson, CF; Cedeno, 2B.
On mound for Cubs: right-hander Ryan Dempster.
On bench for Cubs: Fukudome, priest with holy water, exorcist, sacrificial goat, Ron Santo with rabbit's foot, Notre Dame leprechaun with box of Lucky Charms, cast of "Ghostbusters," voodoo doll of Evan Longoria, necklaces of garlic, Magic 8-ball and Dusty Baker's son.
In box seats for Cubs: owner Sam Zell, 10 more guys who want to own Cubs, an Illinois senator in a White Sox cap, a New York senator in a Cubs cap with a Yankees scarf, plus the governor of Illinois with a Springfield family identified on Fox as television stars Homer, Marge, Lisa and Bart Simpson.
Temperature inside dome: 72. Baseball fever in the Tampa-St. Pete region: an unseasonably high 102. Play ball.
FIRST INNING: Alfonso Soriano swings at the first three pitches, the last of which bounces twice and nails the umpire in the groin. Cubs go down in order, keeping Tim McCarver's commentary to a bare minimum.
Dempster walks the first eight men. Larry Rothschild takes that long, slow walk to the mound to tell the pitcher to throw the ball over the plate. Good tip. Rays settle for 5-0 lead as cowbells clang.
SECOND INNING: Aramis Ramirez homers, as he often does when Cubs are five runs down. Rays, 5-1.
Fox graphic compares Eva and Evan Longoria, which one's hotter, which one's an actual fox.
THIRD INNING: Reed Johnson homers, very well rested after not getting to play in playoffs until now. Rays, 5-2.
Fox cuts to a live shot from Cubby Bear bar and grill near Wrigley, where drunks are shown eating a live Devil Ray raw.
FOURTH INNING: Soriano homers. He is now 2-for-42 in October and obviously getting warmed up. Rays, 5-3.
Fox shows comedian Frank Caliendo's uncanny impersonation of Sammy Sosa.
FIFTH INNING: Carlos Zambrano pinch-hits and homers. He points to the sky and punches Tampa Bay's catcher. No explanation is given. Rays, 5-4.
Fox's McCarver explains the history of Venezuela, using a Telestrator and maps.
SIXTH INNING: Fukudome pinch-hits, hits a ball to the top of the dome and circles the bases before it comes down. Joe Buck shouts on TV, "I can't believe what I just saw!" Tie game, 5-5.
Fox cuts to Jeanne Zelasko for a "game break" to explain Game 2 will come a day after Game 1.
SEVENTH INNING: Cliff Floyd pinch-hits and homers for Cubs, finally realizing that he has spent all of October playing for the wrong team. Cubs, 6-5.
Fox shows the cast of its new hit series "Fringe," which no one except the cast has ever seen.
EIGHTH INNING: Dempster leaves to a standing O, having given up 20 walks but no hits.
Tampa Bay scores five runs on errors by every guy with a glove the Cubs have. Rays, 10-6.
NINTH INNING: A fan with a cowbell interferes with Carl Crawford and keeps him from making a catch. The fan, who is ejected by security, appears to be Dick Vitale.
Cubs rally for nine in the ninth, now lead 15-10.
Chicago celebrates. Kerry Wood comes on to pitch the ninth.
And after that ... oh, come on, you all know how this ends.
mikedowney@tribune.com
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